I will be Cicada when I grow up

It is a fantastic feeling beating customer service. This morning, I made two phone calls.

Gold's Gym: Called their main office and told them that due to identity theft, I had to give them a new debit card number. She took the number, and I asked whether the account was now in good standing.
"Well, you still have a ninety dollar charge," she said.
"Ninety dollars, huh? Have I missed two payments already?"
"Let's see. You missed your October payment, and then there's a twenty dollar return fee on that payment, plus a twenty dollar late fee. But I can take that late fee off."
"That would be great."
And I didn't even have to use my rant about how if there should be any bloody adjustment, it should be prorating my fee, and boy, I can't imagine a better business model than charging people late fees on gym memberships they can't use all month.

O'Sullivan Industries: Called their assembly helpline, which was not strictly accurate; I assembled the bookshelf two days ago. (It's very nice, actually, if it hadn't been the last one in stock, I'd tell you to get it at Lowe's.)
"I was assembling your model number 40832 bookshelf, and when I got, let's see, to step five, I saw that it told me to place the backing with the brown side facing upwards. You know, that backing has a dull grey side and a brown faux-wood side, so I went ahead and laid it wood-side up, and only realized my mistake when I lifted the bookshelf into place and saw the cardboard side facing me. It took me an hour to remove all of those screws, lay the paneling back into place, and nail it back down. That's twenty dollars right there."
"Oh, so you don't need it replaced, then?"
"No, I don't. It looks very nice, actually. I'm just aggravated at the faulty instructions."
[pause]
"I'd like to order one additional shelf, actually. There's plenty of room on there for it. Do you think I could get a discount for the frustration?"
"Let me look up that part."
"Hmmm, I'll need a 4798802112 and four each of 9824980123532 and 9824980123533."
"And your address?"
"3141 N. Apple."
"All right. I can send those off."
"Wonderful. And what will the charge be?"
"I'll send those at no charge. This time."
"Excellent. You have a nice day."

Next time I'm getting a free nightstand.